The Discipline of Dismay

As they followed they were afraid —Mark 10:32

At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar— “Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed” (Mark 10:32).

There is an aspect of Jesus that chills even a disciple’s heart to its depth and makes his entire spiritual life gasp for air. This unusual Person with His face set “like a flint” (Isaiah 50:7) is walking with great determination ahead of me, and He strikes terror right through me. He no longer seems to be my Counselor and Friend and has a point of view about which I know nothing. All I can do is stand and stare at Him in amazement. At first I was confident that I understood Him, but now I am not so sure. I begin to realize that there is a distance between Jesus and me and I can no longer be intimate with Him. I have no idea where He is going, and the goal has become strangely distant.

Jesus Christ had to understand fully every sin and sorrow that human beings could experience, and that is what makes Him seem unfamiliar. When we see this aspect of Him, we realize we really don’t know Him. We don’t recognize even one characteristic of His life, and we don’t know how to begin to follow Him. He is far ahead of us, a Leader who seems totally unfamiliar, and we have no friendship with Him.

The discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. The danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong (see Isaiah 1:10-11). But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy.

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驚懼的訓練

跟從的人也害怕。 （可十32）

在開始時候，我們自認為清楚認識基督耶穌便歡喜地變賣所有，投身在愛的勞苦中。但如今卻不敢這樣自信了。耶穌走在前面，看來多麼陌生。 [耶穌在前頭走，門徒就稀奇。 ]

在耶穌身上有另一面叫門徒寒心，使他們整個屬靈生命似乎喘不過氣來。這超奇的一位，面如堅石，步伐穩重，令人震栗起來。他不再是策士同伴，因他心裡所想的，我一點也不知道，我只有驚愕的份兒。初時我自以為很瞭解他，可是現今卻不敢如此自信。我開始體會到：他與我之間，有了距離；我不再與他親熱了。他在我前面，卻不轉過身來。我不曉得他到哪裡去，那目的地顯得極其遙遠。

耶穌基督要發掘人一切的罪孽與憂苦，使他顯得怪異。看見他這一面時，我們就不認識他了。對於他生命特異之處，也辨認不出來，所以根本不知道從何跟隨他。他走在前頭——一位陌生的領路者——我們卻不能與他並駕齊驅。

要過門徒的生活，這種驚愕的訓練，是不可或缺的。但有一種危險，就是回到自己的火場中去，點燃著自己的熱心（賽五十10-11）。當驚愕莫名的黑暗臨到你，要忍耐直到它過去，因為從這經歷中出來後，跟隨耶穌就成為說不出來的喜樂了。

祈禱◆想到將來，我的心是何等不安；猶幸我並非老是如此，所以我讚美你。但願除你以外，我再無須抓緊任何東西！求你使我的熱忱不減退，也不鬆懈下來。